So, I just had the... let's call it "grave misfortune", for lack of a better two words, of seeing the touring musical On The Record. Well... where to begin? Now, before I start on my rant, I must say, I LOVE Disney musicals ('Cept for Aladdin and everything AFTER Beauty and the Beast), So I feel perfectly justified in tearing this musical to shreds. This musical made Rent AND Wicked BRILLIANT by comparison. It even made Jekyll and Hyde look goo......no......NOTHING could make Jekyll and Hyde look good... Nothing. I sat there in my red velvet fourth row seat at the theatre with the NEED to gouge my eyes out, for the sheer fact gouging out my eyes would be more entertaining. Well, the stock stereotypical characters were the best part. The bubbly "fresh faced" young girl excited to be there. The "Rebel" and "Rugged" young man who is there just to look cool... actually... I had no idea why this character was in the show except for the fact they needed another male lead/somebody to play with his eyebrows, look "cool", and have all the girls go "ga-ga" for. The diva who thinks she's better then everybody else but is losing it with age. And the older male who's "Been around the block" and is a "good guy." Something happened between the kind old man and the diva bitch to make them uncomfortable around eachother. It's obvious because he tries to hug her, and she, in a hilarious twist, puts her hand on his chest and stops him, he wittily turns to the audience and has a big frowny face to show he's sad. The Bubbly young girl obviously falls for the rugged guy when she stumbles when she talks to him and acts like a grade schooler with a crush. All these characters are completely and utterly ABANDONED by the end of the 10th song. There's also a quartet/ chorus there to back up the main singers. I have worked in choruses and quartets and trios there for the sole purpose of backing up the main singer, and I must say... Chorus members, quartets, and trios are NEVER that happy to help the main singer. Hell, PEOPLE aren't usually super happy to help ANYBODY, so why should a group of people there to help others get ahead in life be ANY different?!?! This was "Murphy's Show." What is "Murphy's Show" you may ask? A show that applies to Murphy's law. Everything that CAN go wrong... WILL go wrong. Can somebody out there say "Shameless ploy to make money"? I know I sure can, and believe me, I said it many times. Which brings me to the singing quality. This was a show of choir boy's and choir girl's. Sure, they had OK (I use OK lightly) voices. They weren't bad. There was nothing special to them. I could have closed my eyes and not known who was singing. The choreography... WOW... the choreography could NOT have been done by anybody older than 13 and on a crappy drill team. Side step, side step, forward 2 3, back 2 3, switch places and look at guy in front of you, Bob up and down to the beat... Wow... Something even I, a fat Jewish guy, could follow. This was a high school show, plain and simple. a BAD high school show, cause I've seen good ones. This is the one from the shitty high school with lots of money usually called "St. John's." One thing made the show even worse though. The two giggling stupid Britney Spears wanna-be 11 year old girls behind me singing along to nearly EVERY tune. I say nearly because they probably had never seen Dumbo, so they couldn't ruin that for me. They let the people onstage do that to me. Thanks little girls. Well, that's about all I can say without hyperventilating. I'm going to go hit a small dog to vent my frustration.